By Sophie Wong | Primary School Teacher, Mum of Two & Founder of Tutoring by Teachers UK

I've sat through more parents’ evenings than I can count. And after years of being the teacher on one side of the table, I've learnt something.

The most useful conversations aren't always the ones where we talk about test results.

Sometimes they're the conversations where a parent discovers that their quiet child has started putting their hand up. Or that their confident child is actually terrified of getting something wrong. Or that the reason maths homework ends in tears has very little to do with how good they are at maths.

As a mum myself, I understand the other side of that table too.

You want to know whether your child is happy. Whether they're keeping up. Whether they've made friends. Whether they're doing their best. And, perhaps most importantly, whether their teacher really knows them.

But ten minutes isn't very long, is it?

There's an enormous amount to squeeze into a parents’ evening appointment, and it's surprisingly easy to walk away realising you never asked the thing you actually wanted to know.

So here are seven questions I'd encourage parents to consider. You certainly don't need to ask all seven. Choose the two or three that matter most to your child.

1. "What are you most proud of my child for?"

I wish more parents asked this.

Of course, teachers want to celebrate good writing, improved reading scores and those moments when a tricky maths concept finally clicks.

But there are so many achievements that never appear in an exercise book.

Think about the child who has spent weeks watching everyone else answer questions and finally feels brave enough to put their hand up.

Or the child who notices someone sitting alone at playtime and invites them to join in.

Or the pupil who used to say, "I can't do this," but now reaches for a whiteboard and has another go.

These are significant moments in a child's development.

As teachers, we see children learning how to manage friendships, overcome setbacks, become independent and find their voices.

Ask what your child's teacher is proud of. You might discover a side of your child you don't often get to see at home.

2. "If we could focus on just one thing, what would make the biggest difference?"

This is probably my favourite question from an academic perspective.

Imagine being told your child needs to improve their maths.

Where on earth do you start?

Maths covers an enormous amount of learning. A child might be brilliant at written calculations but struggle to recall their multiplication facts. They might understand fractions perfectly when using practical resources but become confused when faced with a written question.

Or they might be working on Year 6 problems while still having gaps in their understanding of place value from earlier years.

I see this regularly when delivering targeted interventions.

Sometimes the most effective thing we can do is stop pushing forwards for a moment and work out exactly where the understanding has become shaky.

It might be one small concept. But that concept could be affecting everything that comes afterwards.

The same applies to reading. A child who struggles with comprehension might not need more comprehension papers. They might need help understanding vocabulary, making inferences or explaining their thinking.

A specific gap gives us something specific to teach.

So rather than leaving parents’ evening with a long list of areas to improve, ask your child's teacher to identify the one priority that would make the greatest difference.

3. "What does my child do when they get something wrong?"

This question tells us an awful lot about how a child learns.

Some children are quite happy to make a mistake, rub it out and try again.

Others find it incredibly difficult.

They might avoid starting their work because they're worried about getting it wrong. They might copy what someone else has written. They might rush, become frustrated or quietly give up.

And here's something I've learnt through teaching: a child who appears to be struggling academically isn't always struggling with the actual learning.

Sometimes they're struggling with the feeling of not knowing.

There's a big difference.

I've always believed that classrooms should be places where children feel safe enough to take risks, ask questions and make mistakes.

One of the things I love about using mini whiteboards is that children can try an idea, change their minds and have another go without feeling that every answer has to be perfect.

At home, we can encourage the same attitude.

Let your children see you make mistakes. Talk about how you solve problems. Resist the temptation to jump in with the answer immediately.

And when your child says, "I can't do it," try asking, "Which bit is making you stuck?"

It's a small change, but it opens up a much more useful conversation.

4. "How much progress has my child made from where they started?"

Parents understandably want to know whether their child is working at the expected standard.

And that's an important question.

But I'd encourage you to ask about progress too.

Let me explain the difference.

Attainment tells us where a child is currently working in relation to curriculum expectations.

Progress helps us understand how their knowledge, understanding and skills have developed over time.

A child might still be working below the expected standard in reading but have made enormous progress in fluency, vocabulary and confidence.

That progress deserves recognition.

Equally, a child who consistently achieves high scores might not be making as much progress as they could. Perhaps they need more challenge, greater depth or opportunities to explain and apply their learning.

When I work with children in small groups, I'm interested in both.

What can they do now? What couldn't they do before? And what do they need to learn next?

Ask your child's teacher for an example of something your child can now do independently that they previously found difficult.

It can tell you far more than a number on its own.

And if your child is below age-related expectations, it's important to understand both the progress they're making and the support needed to help them catch up.

5. "Do you see the same child at school that I see at home?"

This can lead to some of the most interesting conversations at parents’ evening.

Children don't always behave the same way in different environments.

A child who is chatty, confident and full of opinions at home might be quiet in the classroom.

Another might appear perfectly settled at school but come home exhausted, emotional or frustrated.

Some children work incredibly hard throughout the school day to manage their feelings, concentrate, follow routines and navigate friendships.

By the time they get home, they've had enough.

And sometimes teachers see strengths that parents haven't yet noticed, such as independence, leadership or the ability to support other children.

That's why I think the relationship between home and school matters so much.

You know your child in a way their teacher never fully can. Their teacher sees them learning, socialising and managing challenges in a different setting.

Neither perspective tells the whole story.

If something is worrying you at home, mention it. Even if it doesn't seem directly connected to schoolwork.

Friendships, confidence, belonging and emotional wellbeing can all affect a child's experience of learning.

And children need to feel safe and understood before we can expect them to do their best.

6. "What should we actually be doing at home?"

I want to say something here, particularly to parents who already feel they're juggling a hundred things.

You do not need to recreate school at home.

You don't need a cupboard full of workbooks, a perfectly organised timetable or an hour of extra learning every evening.

And you certainly don't need every interaction with your child to become a lesson.

I'm a teacher, and even I know how quickly helping your own child with homework can turn into a battle!

What matters is knowing which activities will genuinely help.

For one child, that might be five or ten minutes practising multiplication facts through a game.

For another, it might be reading together and stopping to talk about an unfamiliar word.

For a child struggling with writing, it could be telling stories aloud, discussing interesting vocabulary or writing a shopping list together.

And sometimes the most useful thing is simply talking.

Ask your child to explain how they worked something out. Encourage them to notice patterns. Play games involving numbers, words or problem-solving.

Children learn an enormous amount through ordinary conversations and everyday experiences.

The key is consistency.

Ten enjoyable, focused minutes can be far more valuable than an hour of worksheets that ends with everyone feeling miserable.

Ask the teacher for one practical activity suited to your child's current needs.

Then make it manageable enough that you'll actually want to do it together.

7. "How will we know when things are improving?"

This is the question that brings everything together.

Let's say your child's teacher has identified that they struggle with multiplication facts.

What happens next?

How will you know whether the practice is helping?

Perhaps they'll begin recalling facts more quickly. Perhaps they'll stop counting on their fingers. Perhaps they'll become more confident using multiplication when solving larger problems.

Those are all signs of developing understanding.

In my own intervention teaching, I use regular, short assessments and checks because I want to know whether what I'm teaching is actually working.

If a child still hasn't understood something, I need to know that too.

It tells me to change my approach, revisit a concept or find a different way to explain it.

Progress isn't always dramatic. Sometimes it's a child answering a question independently for the first time.

But it should be visible.

Before leaving parents’ evening, try to agree on one clear next step.

What is your child working towards? What will school do? Is there something manageable you can reinforce at home?

And when might you check in again?

If you have significant concerns, please don't feel you need to squeeze everything into those ten minutes. Ask for a longer conversation.

Good communication between parents and teachers shouldn't happen only twice a year.

One last thing I'd like parents to remember

Please don't feel that parents’ evening is a test of your parenting.

I've spoken to parents who feel guilty because they haven't managed to hear their child read every night. Parents who worry they're not doing enough. Parents who are anxious because their child is finding something difficult.

And I understand it. We all want the best for our children.

But the purpose of parents’ evening isn't to judge how much you've done at home.

It's an opportunity for two people who care about the same child to share what they know.

As teachers, we have assessment information, curriculum knowledge and a picture of how children learn in the classroom.

As parents, you bring years of understanding your child's personality, experiences, interests and worries.

When we bring those things together, we can make better decisions about how to help them.

So this parents’ evening, don't feel you have to ask every question or remember every piece of information.

Try to leave knowing three things:

Something your child should feel proud of.

One thing they're working towards.

And one small way you can help.

That's a pretty good starting point.

A little about Tutoring by Teachers UK

I founded Tutoring by Teachers UK because I believe children make the greatest progress when we take the time to understand exactly what they need.

Our approach is simple: qualified teachers, clear assessment, targeted teaching and visible progress.

We support children with reading, writing, mathematics, SATs and 11+ preparation, using carefully planned teaching that responds to their individual learning needs.

If parents’ evening has left you with questions about your child's progress, or you'd simply like some guidance about what to focus on next, you're very welcome to get in touch.

Sophie x

Founder, Tutoring by Teachers UK